Boa vs Python

release year: 2004
genre: giant snake cheese
viewing setting: home DVD, 9/7/04

synopsis: While being transported to a hunting site, a giant snake breaks free, so the government tries to use a second giant snake to find and stop it, while the guys who were originally going to hunt the first snake also try to get it.

impressions: This started out with so much promise: not one but TWO gigantic snakes, a group of bad-ass hunters, shady government plots, and two former Playboy Playmates (one of whom has a completely gratuitous bathing scene before the twenty-minute mark.) The premise was good, the stage was set, the battle was inevitable. And all went to crap. I guess the main problem was that the two big snakes didn't really fight until the end, and even then it was brief. Hell, the two snakes met almost immediately once the "good" one was put into the underground water station...they met but somehow we, the audience, didn't see any fighting or anything. Big mistake. Another big mistake was the number of human fatalities caused by other humans rather than the snakes...and even the snake kills were generally bloodless and off-screen. Argh. It has been surmised that a bit more money would have made this a better movie, and I agree. On the bright side, there's plenty of humor (including a running gag by a big-chested blonde about "my implants") and the aforementioned completely gratuitous bathing scene.

things to watch for: There are rumors about a completely gratuitous bathing scene...hmm...

something this movie has that no other movie has: An 80-foot python going down on an unsuspecting young lady. I am not kidding.

body count: 19 by giant snakes, 9 by human violence, plus snake deaths

acting: The main government guy, the snake researcher, and the millionaire showed the best acting skills. The blonde marine-life scientist was nothing special, and didn't even get naked. The millionaire's girlfriend actually had more acting skills than the blonde chick, plus she got naked. How odd this all is.

final word: Worth seeing once, but it neither lives up to its promise nor its potential.

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