Dracula 3000

release year: 2004
genre: sci-fi horror
viewing setting: home DVD, 12/16/04

synopsis: In the far future, a salvage crew finds a ship full of coffins...

impressions: Note: This is NOT a sequel to "Dracula 2000" and "Dracula: Ascension." Instead, it's a prime example of a badly-done "normally Earthbound monster/killer in space" movie. Its main problems involved bad acting, ridiculous plot holes, vampires lacking all the traditional vampire powers, and a DVD whose audio track didn't match the movements of the actors' mouths. This is inexcusable for a release in the DVD format. Anyway...if you can get past the six crew members, who are all generally annoying and all seem to dislike each other, this disc will provide a minimally entertaining ninety minutes.

things to watch for: As much as it pains me to say this, the post-vampirism Coolio character has some good lines.

something this movie has that no other movie has: Vampires getting staked with broken pool cues.

acting: As I mentioned, all ofthe characters seem to dislike each other, and the bad dialogue reflects this. Casper van Dien is the captain, who acts stupid and doesn't have the respect of any of his crew. Erika Eleniak is the ample-bosomed, leather-pants-wearing smartass with a secret. Coolio is the drug-using rebel who talks a lot of trash. Tiny Lister (the big fellow who fought Hulk Hogan in that wrestling movie from 1989) actually gets most of the screen time, and makes the best of this plot and dialogue. The other crew members are a whining, wheelchair-bound genius and a foreign-accented, mousy girl with no apparent skills. The guy who played Dracula did okay, but will not be remembered as one of the great ones.

final word: Rent it at your own peril, or if you're drunk.

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