release year:1976 genre:horror viewing setting:home DVD, 3/4/00 what I expected:not much what I got:dreary, slow, senseless crap with very few entertaining moments
synopsis:A weird grizzled guy runs a hotel in the middle of a swamp and feeds people to his giant crocodile.
impressions:Slow. Plodding. It took 35 minutes for anything of significance to happen. The movie also had periods where NOTHING happened...just aimless switching back and forth between different scenes, none of which had characters accomplishing anything. Since I realize that this sort of movie can't be judged like normal films, I'm going to instead sum it up by offering a list of the principals:
CHARACTER PURPOSE Jud proprietor of hotel in middle of swamp; loony; has wooden leg reluctant whore stumbles through swamp and comes across Jud's place; croc food giant croc eat anyone within range "Morton" father of family that stops at Jud's place for unknown reason; insane; croc food blond mother mother of family; stays tied up for most of movie girl daughter of family...quickly chased under hotel, spends most of movie there screaming; very irritating Snoopy little girl's dog; ventures too close to the croc pen and pays the price Harvey father of Libby and also missing girl who became reluctant whore listed above; gets scythe through neck; croc food Libby daughter of Harvey; talks with sheriff, wears nothing beneath her coat the Sheriff token authority presence, doesn't brush his hair often Hattie extremely ugly owner of whorehouse, lies to sheriff and Harvey Rosa Hattie's maid; nice old lady but indirectly responsible for reluctant whore becoming croc food Buck a young Robert Englund; punk kid with some quirky tastes; finally ends up as croc food "Clark" geeky cowboy with glasses, pushed around in bar young buns in bar hot young thing, picked up by Buck, runs around a lot "Weird Al" randomly driving by, he picks up the young buns after she flees from Jud and his scythe
body count:5, plus a dog
acting:Everybody in this movie acted like a complete moron. Special credit must go to the guy who played Jud, because he made the character an utter cretin. It's entirely possible that the director just found some brain-damaged guy in a swamp somewhere and filmed him for awhile. update/correction/apology: As it turns out, this actor - one Neville Brand - had a pre-movie career as a soldier in World War 2, and was in fact the fourth-most decorated GI of the war. I have to respect and mention that, even if I hated his role in this movie.
final word:The cover states this: "If you are a fan of Tobe Hooper's classic film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre then you are in for a treat." This is absolutely correct: if you liked that other piece of crap, you will probably like this piece of crap too.
back to the main reviews page