Mega Piranha

release year: 2010
genre: giant monster action/horror
viewing setting: home DVD, 1/18/13

synopsis: In South America, mutated piranhas not only grow at a geometric rate, but they're eating everything in their path as they head north.

impressions: This is standard Sci-Fi channel monster fare: decently made, not an epic, but definitely entertaining. There's plenty of victims/blood/gore, plus some cute girls (until they get eaten.) Of course, there are also the expected lapses in logic (Venezuelan military guys so stupid that they worry about placing blame and carry out personal vendettas while gigantic piranha are eating civilians, piranha that can chew through steel, inconsistent sizes of the giant piranha, or ones that leap out of the water into buildings which then explode.) But by far the biggest, most glaring plot hole: near the end, the plan to stop the school of giant piranha involves wounding one so that the others will all come eat it...and that's what happens...and then...everyone cheers and celebrates. Huh? What about the other hundred fucking giant piranha? Did they magically go away after feeding on their unfortunate brother? What the hell?

piranha victim body count: 23 people directly confirmed, plus the contents of a patrol boat, a light cruiser, a submarine, a yacht, and a a shark.

non-piranha victim body count: Two helicopters, plus a guy who got a flare to the mouth so that his head exploded.

acting: Paul Logan is the main good guy, who's gruff and ripped; he does a decent job. Ex-1980s pop singer Tiffany is older (and larger) here as the head scientist responsible for the idiotic project that created the killer fish.

final word: Satisfying monster cheese.

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