Skippy's Movie Reviews, #3
Friday the 13th, part III (in 3D)
(a Joe-Bob Briggs style review)
For every good slasher movie, there are a dozen bad ones. A
prime example of this is Friday the 13th, part III. Below, your
faithful critics Thomas and Mitch have summarized the film's
highs and lows, in the order in which they appear in the movie.
EVENT: Pointless flashback -2
(-1 per movie referenced = -2)
EVENT: Dork plays stupid joke -1
NUDITY: Tease w/o nudity -1
EVENT: Meaningless and boring dialogue -1
DEATH: Novel death bonus +1
(harpoon to eye)
EVENT: Dork gets killed +1
DEATH: Offscreen death -1
DEATH: Pitchfork bonus +1
NUDITY: Sex scene w/o female nudity penalty -2
DEATH: Electrocution +1
DEATH: Exploding eyeball +1
MISC: Thrown knife bonus +1
EVENT: Stupidity bonus -1
(car won't start but girl keeps trying)
MISC: Jason breaks van window with headbutt +1
EVENT: Victim previously thought dead shows up +1
MISC: Limb loss (1 hand) -1
DEATH: Hanging death w/snapping neck sound +2
MISC: Axe to Jason's head +1
NUDITY: Movie contains absolutely NO female nudity! -10
COUNT: Total body count +12
(12: couple, 7 kids, 3 bikers)
COUNT: Survivor penalty -1
NET POSITIVES: + 23
NET NEGATIVES: - 21
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NET TOTAL: + 2
BUNS of the movie: None. None, none, none!
DORK of the movie: Shelley. The guy was just doomed from the
start. Frankly, we're surprised he lasted as long as he did.
GENERAL NOTES:
Mitch: It sucked. Sucked, sucked, sucked!
Thomas: I second that.
Mitch: What the hell was wrong with that director?!? He did okay
in part II!
Thomas: There's no telling. Sometimes people get old...lazy.
Mitch: That's no excuse, dammit! After that Terri in part II, I
expected more of the same here. I was sadly disappointed.
Thomas: Fear not, dude. Part IV promises to be better.
Mitch: You can't help but improve on a piece of crap like this.