Skippy's Movie Reviews, #4

Friday the 13th, part IV, The Final Chapter
  (a Joe-Bob Briggs style review)

  Following is a complete point-by-point breakdown of this fine
film's pros and cons, courtesy of those roving critics, Thomas
and Mitch.  The various situational point values have been listed
in the order in which they appear in the movie.

EVENT:	Pointless flashback					-3
	  (-1 per movie referenced = -3)
MISC:	Makeup effects by Tom Savini				+2
EVENT:	Dork plays stupid joke					-1
NUDITY:	Tease w/o nudity					-1
DEATH:	Novel death bonus					+2
	  (hacksaw to throat)
MISC:	Corey Feldman in movie					-1
EVENT:	Meaningless and boring dialogue				-1
MISC:	Fat bitch penalty					-1
DEATH:	Funny death bonus					+1
	  (banana squirts out of hand as she dies)
EVENT:	Pointless family scene					-1
EVENT:	Dumb girl scared by random tree branch			-1
NUDITY:	Full frontal nudity bonus				+8
	  (scaled 1-5 rating [4] x +2 = +8)
NUDITY:	Topless nudity bonus
	  (scaled 1-5 rating [4] x +1 = +4 x 2 for twins = +8)	+8
MISC:	Guy's butt shown					-3
MISC:	Comedic effect bonus					+2
	  (Dork dancing like he's being electrocuted)
NUDITY:	Full frontal nudity bonus
	  (Samantha goes skinny-dipping for no reason)
	  (scaled 1-5 rating [4] x +2 = +8)			+8
	  Duration bonus (scale of 1-3)				+2
DEATH:	Offscreen death penalty					-1
EVENT:	Stupidity penalty					-1
	  (lights don't work but girl keeps trying switch)
NUDITY:	Sex scene w/o female nudity penalty			-2
MISC:	Hand pinned to counter w/corkscrew			+1
DEATH:	Funny death bonus					+1
	  (dead girl lands on car & shatters all windows)
DEATH:	Cool death bonus					+1
	  (butcher knife to head)
NUDITY:	Sex scene w/o female nudity penalty (incidence #2)	-2
EVENT:	Running screaming girl					-2
EVENT:	Stupidity penalty					-1
	  (door won't open but girl keeps trying it anyway)
DEATH:	Cool death bonus
	  (axe through door into chest)				+2
MISC:	Dog hurled through window bonus				+1
EVENT:	Running screaming girl (incidence #2)			-2
EVENT:	Stupidity penalty					-2
	  (girl runs _back_ into basement after fleeing Jason)
EVENT:	Dead body appearing from nowhere penalty		-2
	  (-1 per body x 2 bodies = -2)
DEATH:  Guy hurled through window bonus				+1
MISC:	Hurled hammer bonus					+1
EVENT:	Jason falls on machete, driving it deeper through	+2
	  his own head
COUNT:	Total body count					+14
	  (14:  2 hospital workers, 10 kids, one mom, one dog)
	  (questionable death:  Jason)				+0
COUNT:	Survivor penalty					-2

NET POSITIVES:						       +57
NET NEGATIVES:						       -30
NET TOTAL:						       +27

BUNS of the movie:  Samantha (dies in raft on lake)
DORK of the movie:  Ted or Jimbo?  Tough call.  Ted did the spaz
  dance, but he at least ended up getting laid.  Jimbo was a greater
  dork overall, but he didn't have any particular great moment.


Thomas:  We found this movie to be far superior to its immediate
  predecessor (Friday the 13th, part III) but not quite up to
  snuff like part II.
Mitch:  I agree.  So far, II's still the best, followed by this
  one, then the first, then III.  You know, III was pretty much
  a piece of cinematic shit.
Thomas:  Even the 3-D couldn't save it.
Mitch:  Well, what do you expect from a movie with absolutely NO
Thomas:  Not much.  Back to part IV, though...
Mitch:  Right.  I'd have to say that the overall buns level was
  pretty high, though none of them can quite stack up to Terri
  from part II.
Thomas:  Quit talking about the other movies, dammit.  We're
  discussing part IV here.
Mitch:  Shut up, bitch.
Thomas:  Who're you calling a bitch?
Mitch:  You, bitch.
Thomas:  Okay, that's enough of that.  We'll get around to the
  women's prison movies mext month.  For now, Friday the 13th,
  part IV:  The Final Chapter...
Mitch:  I've talked about it enough.  I wanna see part V.  I wanna
  see how they bring Jason back from this one.
Thomas:  They'll find a way.  They always do.
Mitch:  Until next time, this is Mitch and Thomas, reminding you
  not to rent any slasher flicks unless you rent at least two in
  a row.