Skippy's Movie Reviews, #6

Friday the 13th, part VI:  Jason Lives!
  (a Joe-Bob Briggs style review)

  Will it ever end?  Not as long as they keep making these movies.
The latest in the critically acclaimed series of "Jason" movies,
part VI explores the fine line between life and death, as the dead
are brought back to life.  Let's have a look:

EVENT:	Dog eating roadkill					+1
EVENT:	Somebody digs Jason up					-1
EVENT:	Totally bogus resurrection ploy				-1
DEATH:	Cool death bonus					+1
	  (fist through heart)
MISC:	Hollis' dead body falls into Jason's coffin		+1
DEATH:	Flying corpse spear-toss bonus				+1
DEATH:	Cool death bonus					+1
	  (Burt leaves blood on carved happy-face in tree)
MISC:	Arm ripped off bonus					+1
DEATH:	Triple decapitation bonus				+3
DEATH:	Offscreen death penalty					-1
DEATH:	Double impaling bonus					+1
NUDITY:	Sex scene without nudity penalty			-2
MISC:	Sex scene w/shirt on penalty				-1
EVENT:	Stupidity penalty					-1
DEATH:	Dismemberment bonus					+2
	  (Roy found in pieces)
DEATH:	Cool death bonus					+1
	  (Sissy's head twisted off)
EVENT:	Stupidity penalty					-1
	  (Paula finds and ignores bloody machete)
EVENT:	Stupidity penalty					-3
	  (Paula ignores Jason standing right outside window)
EVENT:	Random foolishness penalty				-1
	  (wind blows door open)
DEATH:	Offscreen death penalty					-1
MISC:	Bug smashed by descending fist				+1
MISC:	Jason wanders through cabin but doesn't kill any kids	-4
DEATH:	Thrown knife accuracy bonus				+1
MISC:	Sissy's severed head rolls out of car			+2
EVENT:	Stupidity bonus						-2
	  (Megan doesn't use radio to call for help)
DEATH:	Novel death bonus					+1
	  (Sheriff bent in half like Cristatos)
MISC:	Jason doesn't kill Megan				-2
NUDITY:	NO female nudity in entire movie!			-10
COUNT:	Total body count					+18
COUNT:	Survivor penalty					-2

NET POSITIVES:						       +36
NET NEGATIVES:						       -33
NET TOTAL:						       + 3

BUNS of the movie:  none (Nikki would've won if she'd gotten naked)
DORK of the movie:  none (Roy would've won if he'd had more screen time)


Thomas:  Do American Express cards float?
Mitch:  That one sure did.
Thomas:  That's what happens when you're about to die and you offer
  Jason all your money and credit cards.
Mitch:  You can't buy your way out of some situations.  At least
  Deputron tried shooting Jason.
Thomas:  He didn't end up any better, though.
Mitch:  Good thing Jason only uses edged weapons and not firearms.
Thomas:  You know, this one did raise a lot of interesting questions.
Mitch:  Like what?
Thomas:  Like, why didn't Jason just walk along the bottom of the
  lake, chains and all?
Mitch:  Or remove the chain?  I mean, obviously he's still alive
  down there.  Even the worms in his face were still wriggling.
Thomas:  Maybe he'll just wait...until the next movie.  I bet that's
  what happens.
Mitch:  Let's talk about the distinct lack of nudity in this movie.
Thomas:  Example.
Mitch:  What, you want me to give you an example of nothing?
Thomas:  Hmm.
Mitch:  No naked girls.  Not one.  Not even a flash.  The director
  lapsed on his nudity quota.  An amateur effort, to be certain.
Thomas:  He's no Fred Olen Ray.  But what about Nikki?
Mitch:  What about her?  She didn't get naked.
Thomas:  Come to think of it, she didn't even take her shirt off
  while she was having sex.
Mitch:  It wouldn't have mattered anyway...too little, too late, know
  what I mean?
Thomas:  I'm afraid I do.  Hell, this movie didn't even have a good
Mitch:  They should have taken lessons - lots of them - all of them -
  from some of the previous movies.  Let's see...this one was #6...
  I rank the overall series now:  2,4,5,1,6,3.
Thomas:  Not good.  Not good at all.
Mitch:  Let's hope they get a better director for part 7.