Rottweiler


release year: 2004
genre: I never was quite sure, even after it was over
viewing setting: home DVD, 11/27/07

synopsis: In 2018, a young couple attempts to sneak out of (or into) some evil country, and they get captured, and the guy somehow escapes and is then hunted through the wilderness by a strange, indestructible, half-robotic killer dog.

impressions: If that made no sense to you, you're not alone - I just wrote it and I'm not even sure what it means. The brief description on the DVD's case was woefully inaccurate and made the movie appear to be a regular killer-animal film, which it wasn't. No, this movie wasn't just bad, it was incoherent. Nothing was clearly explained and things happened for no reason. Where can I start? Item One: why did it have to be the year 2018? There was nothing futuristic about any of this idiocy. Item Two: what sort of stupid young rich kids risk their life/freedom/future trying to sneak around some hostile country? Item Three: what exactly was the dog, and how/why did it survive in the first place? Item Four: why, oh why, did there have to be an extended scene of a naked dude running around in the wilderness? There could easily be a dozen more such complaints about this movie. Let me assure you, this is not your typical evil-dog-on-the-loose monster movie (and that was all I really wanted) - for one of those that's worth seeing, check out The Breed. This movie, however, is a complete and utter waste of your time. I'm sure that the writers and director had at least a vague idea of what was going on, but they failed to convey that to the viewer.

something this movie has that no other movie has: a scorpion that seeks out a victim, stalks him, covertly stings him, and then practically saunters away, its purpose in life fulfilled

acting: "Dante", the lead character, acted stupid throughout the movie. Some of the other characters either had accents or were dubbed (it was hard to tell which) and their speech was virtually unintelligible.

overheard: "This could quite possibly be the worst movie I have ever seen." - my girlfriend, who has faithfully suffered through much better "bad" movies with me

bonus link: Here's someone's serious attempt to explain this movie

final word: Don't waste your time. I'm begging you.

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